Life Flight

Quick update- Lolly is being flown on a fixed-wing Life Flight airplane to Primary Children's Hospital.  The labs from her blood draw looked WORSE this morning, and they are thinking she might have E-coli and possibly sepsis (although we really don't know anything for sure at this point).  Ben has been with Lolly at the hospital all day (and last night), and says that she has been asleep most of the time.  She is a very sick little girl. 

I have occasional moments where I totally break down- trying not to lose my mind.  This day feels just like the day Trey was Life Flighted when he was five days old- all the chaos and the unknown and the worry...except this time, I don't get to be there with Lolly (yet).

My sister, Kelly, is driving all day today to come stay here with the boys.  Ben is riding with Lolly in the plane, and I'm driving down with Sammi as soon as I can get out of here.  My mom is going to stay in Salt Lake with me to help care for Sammi so I can spend as much time with Lolly as possible.  My heart is absolutely torn in two.  I can't believe I'm not with Lolly- I feel so sick about it I literally want to throw up.  But at the same time, I have lots of other kids to take care of.  They need me too, and I've been busy making arrangements for them.  It seems like, as a mother, I always have a large dose of guilt I'm carrying around- always feeling bad that I can't do it all and take care of everyone.  Even when all my kids are healthy and home together, I always feel bad about what I can't do...now that feeling is multiplied by 1000.

I feel so frantic and scatterbrained and can't think straight (taking a minute to write it down now is actually helping...).  I've been making millions of phone calls- trying to get everything taken care of with the kids at school and after school and all week.  Early this morning, as soon as I found out that Lolly was going to Primary's, I could not handle everything- Luke (because he stayed up way too late and woke up way too early), Trey (because he was so exhausted from all the chaos of the weekend and could not be woken up this morning), and Sammi, who needed her mom.  I called my friend, Celia, who has offered to help many times.  Her kids are all in school, missions and college, and she dropped everything she had on her schedule to come be with me.  She's taken care of all the kids while I've made phone calls and packed. 

I'm very anxious to get down to Salt Lake, and will update when I can.

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers.  Love you all!
Robbie