Blessed

If I hadn't been here to see the change in Lolly from this morning to tonight, I would not have believed it. She's been awake for the past five hours.  Tonight was AWESOME with a capital A.  The mood in here was absolutely jubilant this evening.

I wish you all could have been flies on the wall this morning during Lolly's neurological evaluation- the docs had to pry her eyes open to shine their lights in.  Although her pupils dilated appropriately, when we looked at her, she seemed unable to focus on us.  Looking in her eyes, it was as if she was not even there.  It was the most horrible, awful feeling ever.  I grilled every doctor possible- everyone- trying to find out the best and worse case scenarios.  Best case- full recovery.  Worst case- she'd be a vegetable.  She could get better or she could even get worse.  I wanted to throw up all day (have I mentioned how much I HAAAATE trials of patience???). 

Had you been there for that, you would not have believed the change several hours later.  Fast forward about seven hours- the neurology team had just come to talk to us.  They said the EEG was inconclusive- they thought Lolly might be having very small seizures- and wanted to talk to the epileptologist tomorrow. 

A few minutes later, another doctor came in, and was wiping the orange soap off Lolly's neck (from yesterday's procedure).  Lolly started to wake up, but this time, she seemed really awake.  And for about 5 hours, she was totally and completely herself- groggy and somewhat uncoordinated, but herself.  How do I know?  When she got mad, she chucked a syringe across the room (classic Lolly behavior!!!).  She's tried to pull EVERYTHING out since she's been awake.  [Side note- to add to the fun, Lolly now has an NG feeding tube and an oxygen cannula in her nose that we have to work to keep in her nose]. 

[Another side note- I'm typing this as Lolly is drifting off to sleep.  She just called out, "Mommy!"  I said, "I'm right here," and Lolly said, "Oh!" and went back to sleep].

Lolly is really thirsty and has wanted to drink and drink.  She has tried to suck moisture out of everything.  I was finally allowed to give her some apple juice in a syringe.  She kept begging for more and more.  I'd tell her to say "more" and "please" and "thank you," and she would in her teeny-tiny adorable Lolly voice.  We were d-y-i-n-g.  Like my mom said, it was one of the best nights of her entire life.

I need to go to sleep, but I can't bring myself to leave her room. I'm just sitting here, trying to take it all in. I'm in complete awe at the miracle of today.  To think back to this morning, when I honestly did not know if she would even make it or if she would ever even be the same again to this evening- seeing my spunky, sassy, sweet and wonderful girl back- I know it's a miracle. 

Ben had to leave today.  Our friend was here in Salt Lake and drove him home.  He was so sad to leave, and it was so touching to watch him talking to his little girl before he left.  At that point, around 1:30 p.m., Lolly was completely out of it still.  I called him the minute she started coming out of the fog tonight, and kept him updated throughout the evening on all the little things she was doing.  At midnight we called him and woke him up at home (Ben is smart, unlike me, and puts himself to bed at a decent hour).  Lolly tried to hold the phone herself and said "da da" and "night night."  I'm sure he'll have sweet dreams.


Thank you for thinking of Lolly.  Thank you for praying for Lolly.  I've heard of many family and friends who have put her name in the temple and are holding a fast for Lolly tomorrow.  We can't thank you enough.  She is still in serious condition and is still very sick (she's still in kidney failure- even though that had been put on the back burner on our list of "things to worry about").  At the moment, she's receiving another blood transfusion, will have dialysis again tomorrow, and is still a very sick little girl.  And to add a little bit more excitement- one doctor said he thinks she also has asthma (something we've suspected).  It will be a dream come true for her because she's very jealous that Luke gets cow meds (our name for his nebulizer treatment each night).

I have my girl back. 

Heavenly Father loves Lolly.  And he loves me.  But I've known it all week long- the day we took her to the ER, the day she was Life Flighted, and even this morning, when my whole world was crashing down around me.  I knew it would be okay.  I didn't know if it would turn out the way I wanted (to be honest, I still don't), but I did know it would be okay.  I knew things would work out okay with Trey.  I knew things work out okay with Sasha.  I know things will be okay with Lolly.  I trust Him.  But I sure do like it when I get what I want!  :)

Good night.
Love, Robbie